Today was nothing. It was nothing and it was no one. And that seems how every day is destined to be. The shadows are getting longer as I walk the dark alleys of my past, day after day. The days are shorter and the time I once had to laugh and think of friends and things I am thankful for seems to have gone the way of other loved ones who now , rather than occupy my thoughts, haunt them. So today was nothing but long shadows, regrets and pain that did not need to be dredged up. And today was no one, no one but myself, making those damn shadows longer and longer. I wish I would let someone in, but I don't know how I will ever be ready to be who I was, or if now, there is anyone but who I am now, for me to become.
"Good morning. The time is ou-four-thirty, Earth-standard, Wednesday, August third, 2258. Personal log shows no outstanding appointments. Shall I download station-logs for past six hours?" "Sure, grab it, store it, shove it." "Clarification?" "Never mind. Why does my mouth always taste like old carpet in the morning?" "Unknown. Checking medical logs."
"Sleep well?" "Sleeping is not the problem. Waking up.. that is a problem. I've always had hard time getting up when it's dark outside." "But in space it's always dark." "I know, I know."
"You are the best officer I've ever served with, Ivanova. I couldn't run this station without you. But I also consider you a friend. And as your friend, I'm telling you it does no good to bottle up your feelings. Your father is dead. You need to express your grief or it'll eat you up." "I appreciate your concern, Commander, and your friendship, but .. my feelings are my own, and how I display them, or not, is my choice. Now, if I may return to my duty." "Susan, before you make that choice, make sure you know what it is you are really feeling."
"If you'll excuse me. If you need me, I'll be over there, getting drunk with the rest of the aliens."
"I know, I know. It's a russian thing. When we're about to do something stupid, we like to catalog the full extent of our stupidity for future reference."
"If regret could be harvested, Russia would be the world's fruit-basket.'"
"'Never fear answers, only fear running out of questions.'"
"So from now on I guess the operational phrase is 'Trust no one.'" "No. Trust Ivanova, trust yourself, anybody else: shoot them."